REVIEW: Roger Corman's The Fantastic Four

Things you can do with a million dollars:
-Buy a single bottle of DKNY Golden Delicious Perfume
-Buy a single bottle of Mendis Coconut Brandy
-Make a movie about the Fantastic 4

In 1992, a German production company by the name of Neue Constantin had legal ownership of the film rights to the Fantastic 4. Marvel was looking to reclaim the property and the deal was set to expire; as is becoming tradition for the Fantastic 4, the studio quickly threw together a movie in a desperate attempt to hold onto the rights. The budget was set at one million dollars, legendary schlockmaster Roger Corman was hired to direct, and the entire thing was filmed in less than a month. The film was set to premier Labor Day 1993, before being pushed back to 1994. Producer Bernd Eichinger apparently didn't intend the film to ever be seen by the public (though the cast was left unaware of this fact). Despite these intentions, The Fantastic Four was promoted through magazines, VHS copies of Roger Corman movies, and even at San Diego Comic Con. Eventually, word of the movie reached Marvel executive Avi Arad; worried that the film would cheapen the brand, he purchased the entire thing for a couple million dollars and ordered every print destroyed. The movie was never released, intended to be lost to the ages. But that was not the case. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Roger Corman's The Fantastic Four.

The plot is exactly what you'd expect from a Fantastic 4 movie born out of such a shotgun wedding of a production; four people go into space for a science experiment, get bombarded with cosmic goodness, and end up with superpowers. Reed Richards (Alex Hyde-White) can stretch his body to incredible lengths, Sue Storm (Rebecca Staab) can render herself invisible and generate force fields, Johnny Storm (Jay Underwood) can control fire, and Ben Grimm (Michael Bailey Smith/Carl Ciarfalio) turns into the super-strong rock monster known as The Thing. The four team up to stop Doctor Doom (Joseph Culp), evil ruler of the country of Latveria; his plan involves... something to do with a giant laser. Really, aside from vague revenge and building this laser, Doom doesn't really have a plan. But by golly they stop him in some of the silliest ways possible.

Now I went into this movie with the intention to be gentle. Compare the budget of this Fantastic 4 to the budget of the 2005 version; even adjusted for inflation, the 2005 film is literally almost one hundred times more expensive than this one. I honestly don't know what I was more surprised by, the fact that this film exists, or the fact that it's honestly not that terrible. It's certainly not GOOD by any stretch of the imagination, but considering how literally everything about it was a perfect storm of complete and utter garbage, it got off pretty easy. Granted, this film only works if you imagine that it's a 70's adaptation of the 60's comics, produced to be aired on TV; the second you remember this was intended to be released in theaters in 1993, the same year that gave us Jurassic Park, everything gets a whole lot sadder. But there's effort, dammit! The people involved in this are trying really hard, and I just can't fault them for that. I'd honestly hazard to say that this is the best portrayal of Reed Richards in a motion picture yet. I can also say with complete confidence that this film has the absolute best Doctor Doom I've ever seen on film; the following screencap of his throne room should indicate precisely why:

This is an over the top Doom that absolutely revels in the source material, producing a villain that is a pure joy to watch. Literally every time this character was on screen, I had a smile on my face. The actor behind the mask, Joseph Culp, relies very heavily on his hands to emote, making for a number of hilarious moments (my favorite is when he draws a little "12" in the air upon telling the Four that they have twelve hours to comply with his demands). In the comics, Doctor Doom is a scientist who was raised by gypsies and scarred in a horrible accident. He then becomes ruler of a sovereign nation, as well as a technological warlock, hellbent on destroying Reed Richards and ruling the Earth. In this movie, his character is essentially the same (though the gypsy and mystical aspects are somewhat absent); this is an adaptation of a comic book character that isn't embarrassed of the source material, which is refreshing to see in a superhero film. There's also a secondary villain by the name of The Jeweler (Ian Trigger); I'm thinking he was meant to be The Mole Man (that's what it says on the Marvel Comics Database, at least), but it's never stated in the film.

Whereas in the comics, The Mole Man is a nuclear engineer who becomes the ruler of an underground race of monsters, The Jeweler is a hobbit-ish jewel thief who rules over a gang of droogs in his mysterious hobo cave. While it's an interesting take on the character, it's all pretty silly and feels nonessential to the entire plot. Speaking of things that are nonessential to the entire plot, we have Kat Green as Alicia Masters, Ben Grimm's blind girlfriend. They meet once in the beginning of the film, then she gets kidnapped by The Jeweler until Thing rescues her near the end. This is by far the oddest scene in the movie (which, having seen the movie, is saying something) for two reasons. One, she is immediately able to recognize Ben Grimm despite her being blind, Ben being made of rocks, and the two only having met once before. Two, she immediately proclaims that she loves him (despite having only shared a minute of screentime with him at most). This declaration of love causes The Thing to instantly turn back into fleshy ol' Ben Grimm. The problem here is that, as is stated in the film, The Thing is unique from the rest of the team because he can't turn his power off. He's stuck looking like a monster, but chooses to do good anyway. That's what makes him The Thing instead of "orange Hulk who is made out of rocks and is not as strong". A minute later, he's turned back into The Thing and we never see him change back into Ben Grimm again. 

If it seems like I'm not ripping this thing apart as much as one would expect, there's two reasons behind that. The first is, honestly, I feel a little bad ripping on this. It was never intended to be seen by human eyes, let alone succeed; it was doomed from the start. Its purpose was to retain the rights, which it succeeded in doing. When I pick on this movie, I feel like I'm picking on a handicapped child; The Fantastic Four can't help that it's like this, it's not the movie's fault. If this had a multi-million dollar budget or a giant studio behind it, I would be tearing it to shreds, but as is it's a prime example of people making do with what they've got. The second reason is, honestly, I kinda genuinely like it. I honestly have no doubt that, with a bigger budget and more production time, this would have been a great adaptation of the comics, possibly even spawning a few terrible sequels. Sure, the special effects are bad, but it's because they're so bad that the entire thing is shot in really creative ways, so as to mask the badness that's visible on screen. In the end, it comes off as really charming. The score (or at the very least, the main theme) is surprisingly well done too; there are some parts of this that are pure schlock, but there's also a few moments where this really feels like an actual movie. The Fantastic Four was made just so the studio could hold onto the rights; by no means did Roger Corman and company actually have to TRY. Yet surprisingly, they took this contractual loophole and used it to make an actual movie. It's not a masterpiece, but I think it definitely qualifies as a curiosity of an underdog production. Check it out, it's a fun time.