REVIEW: The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas

I like to think that keeping up with this blog has exposed me to a varied assortment of films; really, that was the point of this entire thing, to expand my cinematic horizons a little. Out of everything I've watched, I can say with no hesitation that the most painful experiences are always products of the "we have the license and need to make money" school of filmmaking. Movies like Heavenly Sword or Jem and the Holograms; projects born in a board room for the express purpose of cashing in on the recognizability of an established brand. It doesn't matter if the world needs a new Ghostbusters or a new Point Break, the important thing is that people recognize the brand and will invariably spend money on it. In the eyes of the studio, a familiar face is all that is needed to lure the consumer into that showing of Yogi Bear like so many ignorant sheep to the slaughter. 

After the first Flintstones movie did inexplicably well at the box office despite getting mercilessly trashed by critics, Universal Studios (referred to in the opening graphic as "UniverSHELL", so as to prepare the audience for the veritable bukkakke of puns this film has in store for them) saw fit to unleash a prequel unto the world over half a decade later. With nearly twice the budget of the original and none of the cast returning (aside from archived audio of Mel Blanc and mandatory cameos by the late William Hanna and Joseph Barberra), it's no surprise that The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas tanked financially as well as critically. When one of the only positive features of your movie is John Goodman (let's be honest here, playing the role he was born to play) you don't replace him with Mark Addy.

That's right, Game of Thrones fans. In this movie, Fred Flintstone is played by Robert of the House Baratheon, the First of His Name, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm. I honestly don't know what I find funnier, this casting choice or the fact that he honestly does a pretty solid job. The film finds him and Barney (once played by Rick Moranis, now portrayed by Stephen Baldwin in what may be the ultimate downgrade) as young bachelors living together in a time before married life, Fruity Pebbles, and John Cena. A cloying CG alien known as The Great Gazoo (Alan Cumming, as seen in all your future nightmares) has been sent to Earth to observe the mating rituals of humans, and Fred and Barney just happen to fit the bill. So yes, this is a movie where Alan Cumming has to watch the Flintstones mate with each other.

Aside from that horrifying prospect, the film follows Fred and Barney as they meet their future spouses, Wilma and Betty (Kristen Johnston and 30 Rock's Jane Krakowski), and go on a luxury vacation to the glamorous city of Rock Vegas. Despite the film's name, they only make it to the titular city halfway through the runtime. It's essentially as if the first Star Wars was called Luke Skywalker's Adventures on Tatooine. The whole time, a pretty-boy casino magnate by the name of Chip Rockefeller (Thomas Gibson) attempts to ruin Fred's lovelife so he can marry Wilma and use her family fortune to pay off his debts to the mafia. As one can tell, this is clearly a dense plot designed only for the most astute and discerning of moviegoers.

I honestly can't envision life on the set of this production. There can't be a single person involved with this picture who actually believed in it. I refuse the notion that a single person walked onto the set of the live-action Flintstones prequel and felt any modicum of pride in their work, as though they were making a grand contribution to the annals of film history. The plot is as predictable as they come, the script is 80% rock puns, and the humor fluctuates from groan-inducing to outright uncomfortable. Less than five minutes in we get a scene in which a cartoon dinosaur farts on several people and there's more than one reference to Barney Rubble's sex life. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I don't want to envision Barney Rubble having sex with anything; his trademark dopey laugh is the stuff barren wombs are made of. I know it's the new millennium and you need to put something in your children's movie for the grown-ups to laugh at, but the mental image of Stephen Baldwin getting laid on a first date (presumably uttering rock puns and eating stolen Cocoa Pebbles while doing so) is not a pleasant one.

I wish I could find a positive here, some sort of compliment to the cast, but I'm really just drawing a blank. Mark Addy is a passable Fred Flintstone and Jane Krakowski at least appears to be trying (despite every moment she's on screen looking like a 30 Rock flashback to the time Jenna Malone starred in a Flintstones movie), but everyone here is so utterly unenthused. Alan Cumming's Gazoo is just as annoying and unnecessary here as he was in the original cartoon and Kristen Johnston appears as thrilled as if she'd just been set up on a blind date with a spoiled tuna sandwich. I suppose I can give some degree of credit to the set design? There's nothing in the real world that really resembles anything on The Flintstones, so everything had to be made from scratch. It's pretty garish and it doesn't really look that great in real life, but that's more a criticism of the art style than of the people that had to put it all together. To be perfectly honest, the only thing about this movie I can say I unabashedly love is this surprisingly applicable gif:

The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas. It's bad, but then honestly, what were you expecting? Something good? Something clever, or intelligent in any way? We're talking about a live-action prequel of a live-action adaptation of a cheaply-made cartoon from the 60's that was really nothing more than a blatant rip-off of The Honeymooners, but with more rock puns and sarcastic animals. I try to judge films, not by comparing them to one another, but on whether or not a film accomplishes what it sets out to do. The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas wasn't trying to be a well-made movie. It wasn't trying to be witty, or memorable, or charming. All it tried to do was make its money back, and it couldn't even do that. It's not funny, it's not enjoyable, and worst of all, it's not profitable. It's a failure in every sense of the word. But by the same token, I'm never going to get that 91 minutes of my life back, so I suppose I'm the real failure here.

REVIEW: Cats Don't Dance

The 90's was an interesting time for feature-length animation. With the Disney Renaissance beginning with The Little Mermaid in '89, the House of Mouse essentially dominated the era with films like Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast. Due to Disney's widespread popularity, this put other studios in an interesting position; animated musical comedies clearly printed money, yet simply copying the Disney Princess formula rarely resulted in a hit (films like Thumbelina and Quest for Camelot are a testament to this). In order to survive, films that didn't come out of the Disney Animation Studios usually had to provide something different than the standard fairy tale adaptation. This led to a number of notable films that I'll likely take a look at down the line such as The Iron Giant, The Road to El Dorado, and Batman: Mask of the Phantasm. These less-celebrated films have always fascinated me; thanks to Disney's massive marketing machine, the stories and characters of the Disney Renaissance never truly went away. You're much more likely to meet a young child in this day and age who knows who Ariel and Simba are than one who's seen The Swan Princess. Today's Review focuses on one of the more forgotten non-Disney films of that era, Cats Don't Dance.

Determined to make it in the movies, an upbeat and optimistic cat by the name of Danny (Scott Bakula) leaves his home town of Kokomo, Indiana for 1930's Hollywood. Like every story about a wide-eyed dreamer who moves to a big city to make it happen, Danny soon realizes that the motion picture industry isn't nearly as ripe with opportunity for animal actors as he'd hoped. Despite Danny's natural musical talent, he's relegated to simply playing the part of a background animal in the latest vehicle for the diminutive Darla Dimple (Ashley Peldon/Lindsay Ridgeway), a not-so-subtle parody of Shirley Temple with an even less subtle temper. Befriending a beleaguered secretary by the name of Sawyer (Jasmine Guy/Natalie Cole), Danny and his fellow animals try to break free from the mold and prove to the studio that you don't need to be human to make it in the movies.

The first point I have to award in the film's favor is its aesthetic; I will forever be a huge sucker for old Hollywood, and this is a movie that revels in that era. It's no secret that Gene Kelly had a hand in the dance choreography here (coincidentally, this is his last project and is dedicated to his memory), as every Randy Newman-penned musical number is just chock-full of that jazzy, Singin' in the Rain-esque energy. From various Hollywood landmarks to a bundle of cameos from caricatures of the era's biggest stars, this is a film that perfectly captures that optimistic feel of 1930's Hollywood, yet is able to present it through a more contemporary lens. It doesn't hurt either that the story (about a band of talented performers who, despite their skills, are considered second-class citizens, relegated to playing second-banana to an adorable child star) works as an allegory for the issues of racial representation in the motion picture industry around that time. All in all, it's an excellent premise that is unfortunately held back from greatness by that which should reside at the heart of its story; the film's protagonist.

While Scott Bakula has a great voice for the part and the animation on Danny is top-knotch, it doesn't change the fact that, as a character, he's one of the blandest protagonists I've ever seen in a movie like this. There's a point at which your starry-eyed dreamer ends up being just a bit too starry-eyed, and Danny is clearly far past that point. Even when his dreams are crushed, he's back to his usual perpetually smiling self after just one song. He's a static character with absolutely no edge to him; by the end of the movie, he's no different personality-wise than he was at the beginning. You'd expect some lesson to be learned but no; despite things looking grim in Danny's darkest hour, the day is saved simply by trying again. I suppose this is a positive lesson, sure, but it's hardly a dynamic or interesting one.

Sawyer, on the other hand, is a far more interesting character who truly deserves to be the focus of this film. The basis behind her character is that she was once like Danny, hoping to make it big singing and dancing in the pictures. As we find her, her dreams have long since been crushed and she's resigned herself to living the menial life of a secretary for an animal talent agency. There's a deep rooted pessimism to her character that resonates in a much stronger way than Danny's blind, childish optimism. When a protagonist is already humbled, it makes it that much easier for us as an audience to root for and identify with them. Her story of learning to believe in her dreams again is a much more interesting, satisfying one than Danny's story of simply trying really hard until he accomplishes his goals. It even feels as though the movie subconsciously knows that Sawyer is the real protagonist here; not only is she given the best songs, but she's the focal point of the big showstopper that makes up the film's climax. This movie's biggest sin is that we spend more time with Danny than with Sawyer, and that aspect is what keeps it from achieving true greatness.

As I mentioned before, I absolutely love the setting and premise of this movie, but special consideration must also be given to the animation and character design at work here. The film didn't exactly have a Disney-sized budget to work with (and even then, it barely made back 10% of what it cost to produce), but everything still manages to look gorgeous and fluid in motion. The characters all have the feeling of classic Warner Bros cartoons on a more modern theatrical scale; Darla Dimple and her hulking valet, Max (director Mark Dindal, as a perfect parody of Erich von Stroheim's character from Sunset Boulevard) make for wonderful villains, both in terms of visuals and characterization. From Darla's sickeningly pink mansion to the way the frame is often forced to work around Max's titanic scale, this movie is just a joy to look at. The end musical number in particular is a surprisingly strong sequence on its own, managing to get me totally invested and tapping my toes to boot.

Aside from Danny, pretty much nothing about this movie is bland or boring. It's a colorful send up of classic Hollywood tropes with enough catchy songs, lively animation, and clever in-jokes and references to entertain anyone from little kids to aging cinephiles. It's not a perfect movie by any means; frankly, it's understandable why, in 1997, Cats Don't Dance bombed spectacularly while Disney's Hercules made a modest profit and continues to be popular to this day. That said, I don't regret my time spent watching it in the slightest. If you're feeling nostalgic for that time when high-quality, traditionally-animated feature films were a yearly institution, Cats Don't Dance is definitely a flawed but overall enjoyable relic from that magical era.

REVIEW: Trollhunter

If there's one way to sell me on your monster movie, it's to introduce an original or lesser-utilized monster. We've seen sharks and clowns and spiders done a million times over; when a film like Trollhunter comes along, daring to showcase trolls as the primary threat (especially in a post-Troll 2 world), it warrants a certain amount of kudos right out of the gate for at least daring to be different. Anyone can come up with a hackneyed excuse for a giant snake or a werewolf to tear people apart, but it's in the realm of lesser known (or even completely original) beasts that films like Trollhunter and The Babadook grab my attention from the get-go. Which begs the question, did Trollhunter hold my attention and offer something worthwhile for my troubles?

Taking the form of a found-footage documentary, the film follows college filmmaker Thomas (Glenn Erland Tosterud) and his film crew as they investigate a suspected bear poacher by the name of Hans (Otto Jespersen). As the name of the film would imply, Hans is in fact not a hunter of bears, but of trolls. As the film goes on to explain, trolls are very real and present a very legitimate threat to the good people of Norway; to counteract this threat, the government pays Hans to keep the troll population in check. Changing the topic of their documentary to the infinitely more intriguing topic of troll control, the crew tags along with Hans, filming his exploits as he tries to uncover the reason why trolls have been reacting more aggressively as of late, wandering outside of their territories towards more populated areas.

As the film began, I settled in for yet another found footage horror film, most likely taking place entirely in the nice, cheap woods of Norway. What I got instead was a curious combination of monster movie, fantasy film, and nature documentary that I was not at all prepared for. The darkly comedic tone and the grounded way it approached the biology and ecology of trolls from Norwegian folklore blended sublimely, resulting in a genuinely interesting narrative that had me hanging on every last subtitled word. This is a film that approaches the idea of trolls as if they were real animals, yet manages to provide explanations for each fantastical aspect of the creatures we see in fairy tales (except for their uncanny ability to sniff out the blood of a Christian man, which is left unexplained). It's B-movie science, sure, but it's framed in a way that grounds the entire premise without losing the mystique of the folk tales which inspired it.

For a film that is carried by its premise and characters, the special effects aren't necessarily a high priority. That said, with the exception of one scene, I found the CGI on the various species of trolls to be quite solid, given the low-key, almost casual tone of the film. Unfortunately, the only moment where the special effects are notably less-than-stellar is arguably when visuals count the most; the scene in which we first catch sight of a troll. That's the thing about first impressions, you only get to make one. While every species of troll we encounter in the film is visually interesting and genuinely threatening, the camera lingers on the first of such species, the three-headed Tosserlad, for far too long, really allowing us to see right through the special effect. It's a moment in which a good deal of discretion would have been far more effective, despite it being an already fun, exciting sequence.

Aside from some dodgy CGI and far more scenic shots of fjords than were necessary, I found Trollhunter to be an entertaining, inspired approach to the standard woodland found-footage monster flick. It's equal parts original and silly, yet nothing feels truly out of place in terms of tone. It's a film that very clearly knows what it wants to be and what it wants to do, and I feel as though it by and large succeeded in achieving those goals. If you're looking for something wholly unique that's just tons of fun, then I highly recommend you give André Øvredal's Trollhunter a watch.

REVIEW: Daredevil Season Two

Though I thoroughly enjoyed Jessica Jones, I must admit that I've been moreso eagerly awaiting the follow-up to the first season of Daredevil for some time now. While I found Marvel's original foray into the world of Netflix programming to be an overall well-crafted, well-executed piece of work, it left me wanting for a more satisfying Daredevil experience. As I mentioned when I reviewed it last year, it felt as though the entire season was one big pilot; a build-up to the ACTUAL adventures of Matt Murdock and company. Lucky for me, Daredevil Season 2 is exactly the payoff I've been waiting oh-so patiently for.

Months have passed since the law offices of Nelson and Murdock helped put Wilson Fisk (Vincent D'Onofrio) behind bars. While Matt Murdock (Charlie Cox) continues his crusade against crime as The Man Without Fear and the firm enjoys a new surge of popularity within Hell's Kitchen, a new client appears, the only survivor of one of several violent massacres, all targeting the various gangs that call the Kitchen home. Upon taking the case, the trio find themselves embroiled in the affairs of Frank Castle (Jon Bernthal), aka the Punisher, a former Marine who's taken it upon himself to clean up the streets one bullet at a time.

Let me say right off the bat that Bernthal's Punisher is by far the highlight of the entire season. Though I praised Thomas Jane's portrayal of Frank, this is a Punisher who manages to convey every ounce of complexity that the character presents. He's not a hero, nor is he a villain. He's simply a man on a mission; sometimes what he does feels right, other times not so much. He's the perfect foil for Daredevil, a devout Catholic who believes that there is potential for redemption in even the most loathesome criminals New York has to offer. Their interactions, both when debating philosophies and trading punches, ended up being my favorite scenes of the entire season. It's a compelling story that feels right at home in the overall plot of the show. Unfortunately, the other aspects of this season's various arcs seem to pale in comparison.

Joining the Punisher in an MCU debut is Elektra Natchios (once regrettably played by Jennifer Garner, here portrayed by Elodie Yung). A former flame of Matt's from college, Elektra drops back into the lawyer's life seeking his help regarding dealings between her father's corporation and the Yakuza. Truthfully, I could have done without this plotline this season; while it helps build the character of Matt Murdock to some degree, it's simply not as interesting as watching Foggy and Karen work on the Punisher case. The season opens strong, focusing purely on Daredevil attempting to muzzle Frank Castle; after a few episodes, Elektra is introduced and Matt feels very much separated from the rest of the cast. The Punisher plot line feels like the primary story here, while everything involving Elektra, Stick (Scott Glenn, reprising his role from season 1), and the Hand seems to mostly serve as foreshadowing for The Defenders (where all of these Netflix series converge). This would be all well and good, except that our protagonist spends decidedly more time in the B-story than the A-story. 

While it feels odd, it does provide a unique spin on the classic "superhero's do-gooding interferes with his personal life" trope; normally frustrating (since WE of course know why Peter Parker had to break curfew and disappoint his poor old aunt, but no one else is able to understand), here it is played completely straight. Foggy knows how Matt spends his evenings, and his nightly escapades with Elektra are treated exactly as they deserve to be. Yung gives a fantastically unhinged performance, truly bringing out the devil in Matt Murdock; when he forgoes his responsibilities as a lawyer and a friend in favor of fighting ninjas with his ex, it's clear that he's making the wrong decision for the right reasons. Our hero is consciously disappointing and inconveniencing the normal people in his life, rather than doing it by accident as we've seen a million times before. While I found the story arc to be comparatively boring to the Punisher killing his way through the gangs of New York, I will admit that it provided some excellent action, performances, and conflict.

Daredevil Season 2, while not devoid of issues, improves upon the first season in nearly every way. This time around, everything is already established and no time is wasted getting our hero into action; there's very little fat or filler to be found. Jon Bernthal, Elodie Yung, and Elden Hensen all shine here, giving standout performances that left me begging for more. My only issue is that the show still hasn't found that perfect balance just yet; in season 1, I found myself completely uninterested in the exploits of Karen Page, wishing things would go back to Matt Murdock. This time around, Karen and Foggy are involved in things profoundly more interesting than what Daredevil himself gets up to, extraordinary fight scenes aside. Regardless, I've only just finished watching and I'm already pumped and ready for season 3 and a standalone Punisher series alongside that. It seems I'll have to settle for Luke Cage first, debuting later this year; given Marvel's current batting average with Netflix shows, I'm confident that it should be more than enough to tide me over.