REVIEW: Dragon Wars (D-War)

Let's talk about schlock, shall we? That magical and elusive element that can take a work of sheer incompetence and turn it into something golden; movies like The Room and Samurai Cop, which, despite being functionally awful, are an utter joy to watch. In all my years studying schlock, I've found that the intent behind the film plays an important role in the way schlock is perceived. It's what separates a "bad" movie like Birdemic: Shock and Terror from a bad movie like Batman V Superman. As silly as it sounds, bad movies are typically more tolerable when there's the sense that someone really believes in it. It's one thing when a studio releases a bomb with nothing in the way of artistic intent besides "make a profit" and something entirely different when a filmmaker makes something totally devoid of irony or cynicism that simply happens to be a hilarious, steaming pile. Which brings me to this week's feature, Dragon Wars (otherwise known as D-War).

The creation of Korean filmmaker Shim Hyung-rae, D-War was the most expensive Korean film of all time when it was released. For whatever reason, Hyung-rae opted for a mostly American cast (not unlike his 1999 monster film, Yonggary) and the result is one of the most unintentionally joyful experiences I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing. The plot follows a young reporter named Ethan (Jason Behr); as a boy, Ethan learned that he was the reincarnation of an ancient Korean hero of legend (as told to him by a mysterious antique dealer played by Robert Forster in a scene that had me crying "stranger danger" from the second it began). It is his solemn duty to protect the Yeouiju, a young woman with the power to turn snakes into magical dragons. If she bestows her power upon a good snake, he will defend the universe from evil. But if she bestows her power on a bad snake, he will destroy the entire world. There's some talk about something important happening on the woman's twentieth birthday, but I honestly couldn't follow the legend since half of it is in Korean with no subtitles. It seems the Yeouiju has been reincarnated in the form of a girl named Sarah (Amanda Brooks); she has no friends and no family and is also definitely nineteen. An ancient evil senses this and, as one would expect, releases a giant cobra into LA so that it may gain Sarah's power and destroy the Earth. Things get very silly very quickly and the only time I stopped laughing was when the film actually tried to tell a joke.

The performances in this movie are really something special. I think one of the keys to good schlock is definitely effort on everyone's part; while I wouldn't say that the actors in this movie do a good job, they're definitely trying. There's not a hint of irony to be found in any of the performances or dialog, even as a giant cobra spits an elephant at a zookeeper and Craig Robinson cackles while brandishing a gun at an evil magical warlord. Really, it's this sense of sincerity that makes the movie work. It's not some cynical cash-in on an existing franchise; someone wanted to really make a giant monster movie inspired by Korean folklore, so they gathered up around a hundred million dollars and did exactly that. The result is something sloppy and nonsensical, but it's also undeniably endearing. I remember when this film came out, hearing legends of how badly it bombed (despite the massive advertising campaign). I was fully prepared for something awful (or God forbid, boring), but found only harmless cheese instead. It's a movie about a big Korean snake trying to turn into a big Korean dragon, chasing a bunch of comically bland twenty-somethings around LA for 90 minutes, what's not to love?

Now despite how much fun I had with this movie, I do think it's important to reiterate that D-War is a bad movie. Yes, it's a funny-bad movie, but it's a bad movie all the same. For all the effort of the cast, there's not a single good performance to be found. The dialog is laughable and the storyline is worthy of a SyFy original. As impressive as the special effects are for a foreign film from the mid-2000's, they're still nothing to write home about and the action is ironically the most boring thing about this entire affair. This is the kind of movie you put on as background noise during a party or at a sleepover after everyone's had a few. This is the kind of movie that is really only tolerable in a MST3K-style atmosphere; I can't imagine how painful this might have been in a situation where I wasn't allowed to mock everything I was seeing on screen. Don't get me wrong, it's earnest, but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, chances are it's a big fat flop.

Dragon Wars (or D-War if you prefer) is a joy for all the wrong reasons. It's like eating a roll of raw cookie dough or wearing the same pair of sweatpants for an entire weekend; it's not good for you, but sometimes you just need to go that low once in a while. Sometimes it's fun to hide ourselves from the light of dignity and really revel in some good ol' fashioned trash. D-War is exactly that kind of movie; a box office bomb of narrative incompetence that will look splendid on a shelf next to Manos: The Hands of Fate and Shakma. If it feels like one of those days where you just wanna laze about, eat poorly, and revel in all sorts of bad decisions, D-War compliments that atmosphere like steak and cabernet. 

REVIEW: The Good, The Bad, The Weird

Every so often, it's fun to throw caution to the wind and just watch something you've got absolutely no prior knowledge of. Sometimes you end up with something mediocre, like Moonwalkers. Sometimes you end up with something mind-numbingly awful, like Killer Mountain. However, every once in a while, you'll find something that's just a load of fun. A film that is not only entertaining, but memorable in a distinct kind of way. Such is the case with director Kim Jee-woon's The Good, The Bad, The Weird.

Set in 1930's Manchuria, the plot begins as so many westerns do; with a train robbery. A hitman by the name of Park Chang-yi (Lee Byung-hun, "The Bad") has been hired to intercept a treasure map from a Japanese banking official. Unbeknownst to him and his gang, a bandit named Yoon Tae-goo (Song Kang-ho, "The Weird") happens to be robbing the train at the same time. Escaping in the fray with a bundle of pilfered riches (including the map), Tae-goo attracts the attention of Park Do-won (Jung Woo-sung, "The Good"), an Eastwood-esque bounty hunter who happened to be tracking down Chang-yi when the whole thing went down. What started as a simple robbery explodes into an all-out race through the Manchurian desert as Tae-goo tries to find his treasure, Chang-yi tries to find Tae-goo, Do-won tries to find Chang-yi, and the Japanese army tries to find the map.

The first thing I have to praise here is the soundtrack. The score (composed by Dalparan and Jang Young-gyu) manages to mix a classic spaghetti western sound, reminiscent of Ennio Morricone, with a distinctly modern spin. The blaring trumpets and catchy, thumping beats punctuate the action in a way that could only be described as sublime. I make no exaggeration when I say that this has become one of my new favorite film scores of all time; aside from the odd title theme here and there, modern action scores are rarely anything special, yet here's a film that ditches the booming orchestral score for something much more eccentric and energetic that makes the film that much stronger as a whole.

Given how strong the score is, it would be a crying shame if the action and cinematography were mediocre by comparison. Thankfully that's not the case here. Despite the film costing a meager $10 million US to make (for comparison, Django Unchained and the upcoming Magnificent Seven remake both boast budgets that are literally ten times that amount), it's packed to the gills with fantastically shot action setpieces and stuntwork. The film is reminiscent of the Indiana Jones series in some respects, seamlessly merging badass, bloody violence with mild comedy, all while incorporating physical sets and thrilling chase scenes. While the gunplay and fisticuffs may prove exhausting to some, I found myself grinning like a madman at each intricate confrontation; this is a film that shows the true worth of action that is well-shot, well-choreographed, and above all, organic.

That said, there are gaps in between the bombastic fight scenes in which the film's pacing can slow to a crawl. While all of our main characters are charismatic and interesting in their own, unique ways, I felt myself growing anxious from time to time, eager to see guns drawn and blood spilled. The story can become a bit muddled and hard to follow at times, though I feel this may simply be the penalty that so many foreign films must face when confronted with a foreign audience. Though the film is very clearly ripe with homage to the spaghetti westerns of the past (Variety's Derek Elley described the film using the delightful phrase, "kimchi western"), it occasionally toes the line of being derivative. The climax, as well as the characterization of our three main characters, are ripped straight from Sergio Leone's Dollars trilogy; the film is definitely engaging on its own, but it's totally transparent to see where the filmmakers' inspiration was lifted from. Then again, A Fistfull of Dollars was clearly inspired by Akira Kurosawa's Yojimbo (to the point that Toho was able to successfully take Leone to court over the matter), so it can easily be said that homage is an often essential part of making great narrative art.

The Good,The Bad, The Weird is just a righteous good time. Although it can drag somewhat at times, the strong action and endearing characters more than make up for any of its faults. Sometimes it's fun to go with a wildcard and watch something completely outside of one's comfort zone. Often there's no better source for such movies than in the realm of foreign cinema. As I've proven with The Good, The Bad, The Weird, there's a good chance you might just stumble upon a hidden gem you wouldn't have found otherwise. Definitely definitely give this one a watch.