REVIEW: Freddy Frogface

There are some things in this life that are inevitable. We are born, we live, we die. For me, one of those things was watching Freddy Frogface. Anyone who's followed my blog thus far knows that, at the end of each month, I watch something that I know is going to be absolutely terrible. It adds a little spice here and there while keeping things varied, ensuring that each month isn't just a few consecutive weeks of "here's this movie I watched for the first time, it was great". Over a year ago, when I was first starting this blog, this was the movie that inspired me to dedicate the last week of each month to a work of pure garbage. No one had heard of this movie, let alone actually watched it. Why would they? And yet there it sat, added to my Netflix queue out of morbid curiosity, taunting me. The review you are reading is quite literally a year in the making. At long last, the time has come and I have done the unthinkable. I have watched Freddy Frogface.

The plot. Good lord, what can I even say about the plot? This whole experience felt like a dream. Not a good dream, by any means, but not quite a nightmare either. Have you ever had one of those dreams that isn't fantastical, but is more just... off? Something that comes to you right before you wake up feeling clammy and gross, with bad morning breath and a crick in your neck? That is the kind of dream that Freddy Frogface is. Like most dreams, I'm forgetting more and more of it as the seconds slip past, so I'm going to do my absolute best to recount what I saw before the majority of this thing is gone from my mind forever.

Taking place somewhere vaguely European, the story follows a young boy named Victor. Victor is kind of a vindictive little punk who makes trouble for himself and those around him, so I honestly don't care so much that he's constantly bullied and beaten by what appears to be a mentally-handicapped young man at least twice Victor's age named Freddy. When the circus comes to town (advertising a talent show that anyone can enter), Victor gets the bright idea to put together an act that involves his dog, Sausage, basically playing fetch and doing flips. Now you're probably thinking that this sounds like a fairly cut-and-dry plot with little to no conflict. And you'd be right. Despite this, the movie is 84 nigh-unendurable minutes long. It's the plot of a twenty minute children's television cartoon stretched out to roughly an hour and a half and it works out about as well as you'd expect.

I'm not sure I can summarize in words how much of an unpleasant experience this movie was. Everything about it is ugly, inside and out. The character designs are nauseating; everyone has stringy hair or a snaggle-toothed grimace or dead, unfeeling eyes (or in the case of most of the cast, all of the above). The lip-sync is a joke, not that the dialog is all that inspired, and the whole thing is honestly quite mean-spirited. We don't have anyone to root for here. Victor is a charmless, spiteful little jerkass, his best friend is a doting whiner, and said friend's cousin is about as bland as a slice of whitebread floating in a puddle of tap water. Aside from that, the movie features a surprising amount of swearing, alcohol, child abuse, animal abuse, and things that would probably result in death (or, failing that, severe trauma). At one point, Victor tricks Freddy into getting stuck on the blade of a windmill several stories above the ground. He then leaves him there until a drunken blacksmith arrives and almost murders Freddy with his shotgun. It's just a wholly unpleasant experience for just about every reason imaginable.

What else can be said about Freddy Frogface? It's dreck. Confusing, nauseating, unlikable dreck. The only modicum of enjoyment to be gleaned from watching this thing comes in the form of the weird European attempts at English slang; hearing Freddy refer to people as "ass-bobs" and cowardly characters get called "chicken poops" is at the very least entertaining in an ironic, "I can't believe I'm actually watching this" sort of way. So now, I finally have my closure. I watched Freddy Frogface, it was absolutely repugnant, and now I never have to experience it ever again.

Check back next year when I finally get around to reviewing Ivan the Incredible.

REVIEW: The Secret of Kells

The Secret of Kells is a little animated feature that has been on my radar for quite some time now. The only things I really knew about it going in was that it was based off of Irish folklore and was apparently a work of pure quality. Having watched the film at last, I can confirm both of those things are true. This is a truly underrated piece of art that deserves to be remembered alongside the works of Miyazaki and the films of the Disney Renaissance for decades to come.

The story takes place many years ago in Ireland as we follow Brendan (Evan McGuire), an idealistic boy living in the Monastery of Kells with his strict uncle, Abbot Cellach (Brendan Gleeson). When a master illuminator (essentially a highly-skilled illustrator of sacred texts) by the name of Brother Aiden (Mick Lally) arrives in Kells, he takes young Brendan under his wing, training him to continue adding to his legendary Book of Iona in the face of a looming viking invasion.

While the story is a classic bit of well-spun folklore, I found the real draw here to be the absolutely stellar animation. While it doesn't necessarily have the weight or physical depth of traditionally animated films put out by Disney or Dreamworks, The Secret of Kells has a distinct style to it all its own. The entire film is reminiscent of a work of medieval art, a stained glass window or a flowing tapestry brought to life. Every scene is given its own unique look to help convey the tone. The forest is verdant and mysterious, Kells is simple and muted, the inside of the scriptorium is warm and inviting; the movie is a feast for the eyes in every sense of the word. Anyone looking for a sterling example of how art direction and character design can help enhance the more implicit features of a movie need look no further than The Secret of Kells.

Out of all this film has to offer, I feel as though the highlight of the animation comes in the form of Aisling (Christen Mooney), a forest spirit whom Brendan befriends upon venturing outside of the monastery's protective walls. As is appropriate for a forest spirit, this character is positively brimming with life; everything from her facial expressions to her movement patterns to the ebb and flow of her hair is animated with such enthusiasm, she steals just about every scene she's in. My only gripe with this character is how little we see of her. It's obvious that animation of this quality isn't cheap, but an extra ten minutes or so would have really helped round things out in terms of story and pacing. As it stands, the film is only just over an hour long. While I do love what is there, I can't help but wish there was more. It's a minor flaw in a nearly flawless film, but a flaw nonetheless.

The Secret of Kells is just a beautiful piece of work no matter what way you look at it. The art design and animation are positively stunning, the voice cast is superb, and it captures the kind of folk-tale tone it's going for with aplomb. The story could have gone on a tad longer for my tastes, but this is a film that has absolutely no fat to it. The only downside I can find is that there simply isn't more of it. If you haven't seen it already, there's really no reason to continue denying yourself such a treat. Seek out a copy and give it a watch, I promise you won't be disappointed.

REVIEW: Goon

Let it be known at the start of this review that I do not watch hockey. I've never had even the slightest interest in the sport and nothing has ever made me even consider tuning in during a game. Nothing, that is, except for Goon, a 2011 sports comedy that is so adept at just about everything it sets out to do, it manages to not only sell me on the plot, characters, and performances, but on the sport it is based upon.

The story follows the almost comically good-hearted Doug Glatt (Sean William Scott, playing a character partially inspired by real-life hockey player Doug Smith); the black sheep of his family, Doug longs to find purpose in his life. While his father and brother are both successful doctors, Doug finds himself earning a living as a bouncer at a local dive bar thanks to his remarkable talent to utterly annihilate anyone who dares try and fight him. After an altercation at a hockey game, Doug is signed onto a team as an enforcer, stepping onto the ice purely for the purpose of protecting his teammates and thoroughly beating the tar out of any opponents who may pose a problem.

While the premise lends itself to a lot of wanton violence and bloodshed (make no mistake, things get brutal for a comedy), I was completely surprised by the sheer amount of heart to be found in this film. Sean William Scott is so completely lovable as Doug, coming off as not only funny, but genuinely sweet and innocent despite his penchant for dishing out sound beatings. He fights, not because he likes to destroy people, but because he likes to feel useful while protecting those he cares about. No one here gives a bad performance, but Scott's character is the shining beacon that makes this movie work as well as it does.

In the supporting cast, we have Jay Baruchel (also a writer, and director of the upcoming sequel) as Pat, Doug's foul-mouthed friend who hosts his own hockey-themed talk show on public access. It's a real credit to Baruchel's flexibility as an actor, considering that Pat is on the polar-opposite of the spectrum of character types that he usually plays. We also have Allison Pill as Eva, Doug's love interest. While I adore Allison Pill and think she did a fantastic job here, her character presents my only flaw with the entire movie. The primary romantic subplot involves Eva cheating on her unnamed boyfriend to be with Doug. While she shows a fair amount of guilt and conflict over her actions, she still receives a happy ending despite doing absolutely nothing to earn it. There's no arc or resolution to her conflict. She feels bad about her attraction to Doug, pursues her feelings anyway, and everything works out just fine. It's literally the only part of the entire film that I found in any way unsatisfying, which is disappointing, considering the rest of the film borders on perfection.

Filling the role of antagonist is Liev Schreiber as Ross Rhea, a hockey legend notorious for fouling and fighting anything that moves once he steps out onto the ice. Schreiber gives a great performance as usual and the character manages to come off as a genuine threat to our protagonist's goals without becoming cartoonishly evil. It's a great, understated performance that meshes well with the movie's generally down-to-earth tone. I also really enjoyed Kim Coates as Doug's coach, Ronnie Hortense, and Marc-André Grondin as Xavier LaFlamme, a once-promising prospect who was busted down to the minors after his social life spiraled out of control. If I mentioned everyone I thought gave a great performance, I'd just be listing the entire cast, so these are the few that I felt really stood out. Each character is excellently portrayed in a way that helps to sell the natural feel of the dialog; this is a movie that is very clearly a movie (it being an underdog sports story with humor, action, and romance), yet hardly ever feels like a production. It's a combination of The Bad News Bears and Rocky that, while being humble and relatable, still manages to get you seriously invested and excited for the action and story.

Goon is, in my opinion, a wholly underrated gem and one of the absolute best sports movies I've ever seen. Whether you're a hockey fanatic or prefer to stick to a nice, quiet game of solitaire, the endearing characters and engaging plot will hook you in and make you care. It's become a new favorite of mine and I'm sure you'll feel the same way, definitely check this one out.

REVIEW: Pee-wee's Big Adventure

Being a child of the 90's, the comic stylings of Pee-wee Herman were somewhat before my time. That said, the character has always piqued my interest, simply because something so utterly goofy has managed to stay recognizable and relevant within the realms of pop-culture for so long. It's easy to attribute the enduring popularity of many 80's icons to nostalgia more than anything else; the likes of Ninja Turtles and Transformers sold a lot of action figures (regardless of the quality of the show), so of course there would be some iteration of these brands for each new generation to come. Pee-wee Herman is the odd one out, however. Unlike so many popular children's properties of the time, Pee-wee was decidedly more comedy than action. When one looks at Pee-wee's Playhouse, one doesn't exactly see a show that was made to sell toys. Yet still, this absurd oddball of a character has remained popular to this day; it was with that in mind that I decided to check out the film that launched the directorial career of Tim Burton, Pee-wee's Big Adventure.

The plot focuses on the escapades of titular manchild, Pee-wee Herman (Paul Reubens). After his treasured bicycle is stolen, Pee-wee sets out on a cross-country crusade to reclaim his lost bike, encountering all manner of colorful characters along the way. This movie is a one-man road trip film; without Reubens, there is no movie here. Despite each scene basically being a vignette in which Pee-wee is placed in an absurd situation (he meets a ghost, he enters a rodeo, etc.), it all flows very nicely. Things take a bit to get going, but once the bike goes missing, there's hardly a dull moment.

The main focus here is Pee-wee himself; while he's basically a living cartoon character, there's something unmistakably relatable about him. He's an inner child made outer, sometimes selfish and simple but all around a good guy. His motivation is simple. He wants his bike back. The entire plot is driven by a basically goodhearted misfit's desire to reclaim that which is rightfully his. Even if you aren't charmed by Pee-wee's slapstick antics, it isn't hard to relate to his struggle. Throughout the entire movie, he has to deal with obstacles in the way of him being reunited with his precious bike. There are times when he's laughed at or talked down to or outright bullied, but at no point does he ever try to be anything other than himself. 

Looking at a character like Pee-wee, you'd expect this movie to contain some big speech at the end about how, even though he's different, he's still a good person and that's what really matters. Some scene where Pee-wee essentially defends himself against all his detractors. Instead, we get nothing of the sort. Not to say that Pee-wee doesn't have an arc, but there's no attempts to justify or "sell" his behavior to the audience. He just acts like himself; sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. If it doesn't, then too bad. The people who matter end up seeing him for the good person he is and the people who still try to put him down for being different get their comeuppance in some form or another. As goofy and absurd a protagonist as Pee-wee is, there's something undeniably positive about his character, which is something I feel should be commended.

Pee-wee's Big Adventure is a wonderfully absurd romp that can endear itself to just about anyone. Paul Reubens is loads of fun to watch as Pee-wee and everything about this film, from the set design to the score (orchestrated by Danny Elfman, naturally), just reeks of Tim Burton in his prime. It's a story about the little guy with a heart of gold venturing out into the cruel, scary world. He doesn't need to slay any demons or become a "hero"; he simply just has to keep being the good person he is in the face of all the bad stuff the world throws at him. It's a story about positivity triumphing over negativity that just feels good to watch, aside from being loads of goofy fun.