REVIEW: Guardian of the Highlands (Sir Billi)

Sir Sean Connery has what I believe must be a fascinating thought process. The man is one of the most iconic actors of all time, yet he says no to The Lord of the Rings, says yes to The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and then finally decides that this is to be his final role before retirement. The first computer-generated animated feature to come out of Connery's native Scotland, Sir Billi (renamed Guardian of the Highlands for its 2014 US release, in what is no way an attempt to cash in on the brand recognition of Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy), a film about a cantankerous old bastard and his cloying animal pals attempting to save a beaver from both a raging river and some kind of animal-themed Gestapo officer.

The film opens with a bleak prologue in which we see Scottish police officers rounding up invasive beavers in order to ship them back from whence they came. I'm not entirely certain if beavers are native to Scotland or not, but an invasive species presents a serious problem to whatever ecosystem they've found themselves in; it's the reason why cane toads have become the natural enemy of the entire continent of Australia. If a non-native population of wild beavers is springing up in Scotland, then they've got to go, for the sake of the local environment. You'd think that a veterinarian like Sir Billi (Connery) would understand the necessity to protect local wildlife, but apparently relocating beavers is a worse crime than potential ecological collapse.

Flash forward to five years later and the animal control officer is still hunting Bessie Boo the beaver like Javert on Valjean. The tiny beaver has since been adopted by a family of rabbits who enjoy taunting and abusing her for being a flat-tailed freak; it was about around the time that they force her to compete in a Ben-Hur-esque log chariot death sport that I began to realize that this movie is actually kind of mean-spirited. After said death sport goes horribly wrong, the tiny beaver, her obnoxious rabbit brother, and her adoptive rabbit mom are sent floating downriver. Once he receives word that this tragedy has occurred, Sir Billi does the only rational thing imaginable. He rallies the entire population of his small village, including a duck who flies an airplane, to rescue these three small animals (one of whom is a beaver, and as such should not need to be rescued from a river).

When I say this movie is unpleasant, I don't simply mean in the visual sense. Sure, the animation on display here is sub-Jimmy Neutron, but I honestly mean it when I say that this is an offensively feel-bad film. There's numerous scenes where characters lament the very likely possibility that someone ends up dead, often with an accompanying stream of tears. The only member of the rabbit family who could be described as "kind" bashes her head on a rock after falling off a cliff into a river; her unconscious body floats downstream like a soiled mattress before washing up on the shoreline. When Sir Billi and his goat, Gordon (who is inexplicably dressed as Bruce Lee from Game of Death and even more inexplicably voiced by Alan Cumming) find her body washed on shore, we're treated to an extended sequence where the fluffy cartoon bunny (described as bleeding from the ears) fears she may have suffered spinal trauma, possibly resulting in her being paralyzed from the waist down.

Aside from all the bleak peril these critters are put through, there's also the unmistakable undercurrent of xenophobia the film seems to display without a hint of shame. At one point, one of Billi's neighbors, a vapid, loudmouthed (and creepily sexualized) bimbo from America, introduces our protagonist to her equally vapid (and even moreso sexualized) sister, freshly arrived from New York. "Another Yank," laments the Alan Cumming goat, "how will we cope?!" 

To which Sir Billi replies, "How do these people get visas?! THAT'S the problem with this country, you know!"

If you've ever wanted to see an animated romp starring that one relative who brings up politics after a few too many drinks at Thanksgiving, then Guardian of the Highlands is the movie for you. Thankfully, the decrepit old Billi ends up hooking up with the bustier of the two American skanks by the end of the film (as his daughter looks on admirably), so at least he's not ENTIRELY against damn filthy Yankees encroaching on his proud, Scottish moors. But why stop at stereotyping Americans? Our secondary antagonist speaks with an obvious British accent as he refuses Billi's request to shut down the turbines in his invasive hydroelectric dam (since said turbines could easily turn the wee beaver into a fine, furry paste). He, of course, refuses because THINK OF THE MONEY. In addition to our dim-witted, plastic Americans and our intrusive, bourgeoisie British man, we also have a sassy duck with a Southern accent who enjoys monologuing to herself from inside her airplane. For instance, this charming, unedited snippet from when she spots a Russian nuclear submarine (which definitely wasn't shoehorned into the plot solely for the sake of a hamfisted The Hunt for Red October joke):

"Now honey, I knew I flew a little off-course to end up here, but yo' asses SERIOUSLY bumpin' in the WRONG waters! Don't they teach you REDS GE-OGRAPHY?"

I can't imagine what the nation of Russia did to this duck to inspire such a fierce loyalty to the mindset and nomenclatures of the Red Scare, but I'm sure it would make for a more compelling story than that of a beaver floating down a river. Everything about this film is just gormless and charmless in a fascinating way; I found myself almost eagerly waiting for the next horrid surprise. After Sir Billi hits a rabbit with his car, he chastises the creature for getting in his way and almost "causing an accident". When the beaver-hunting officer arrives in Billi's village, he takes him aside like a mafia goon, explaining that he's in BILLI'S town and that he'd better move along if he keeps acting funny. When the officer meekly slinks off to resume his quest for beaver, Billi regrets being too old to outright kick the guy's ass for no reason. It's baffling, our protagonist is the bad guy from Hot Fuzz, only with more talking animal friends and sick skateboard moves.

Guardian of the Highlands is a thoroughly unpleasant experience. Sir Billi will go down in history as the perplexing final role of one of the most famous leading men in cinematic history; he who was once James Bond and Henry Jones Sr is now a potato-shaped old crank, quick to judge and eager to resort to violence, intimidation, and outright bigotry at the drop of a hat. Most animated films of this nature end up as pointless dreck; movies that are bad, but aimless. This, however, feels like it was made with some degree of purpose. Someone BELIEVED in Guardian of the Highlands, which is what makes this whole thing so goddamned intriguing to me. As Billi rides off into the moonlight to introduce his American concubine to Henry Jones Jr, the credits roll to the tune of a cheesy Bond theme spoof. While our eardrums are violated, we get a photo montage of a young Billi wooing, marrying, and eventually mourning his first wife. It's a truly nasty piece of work that needs to be seen to be believed; don your tartans and dig into the mutton pie of displeasure that is Sir Billi. You won't enjoy it, but you certainly won't be bored.

REVIEW: Amélie

Amélie was one of those films that I knew absolutely nothing about, yet seemed to be ever present wherever I went. It's been on Netflix for as long as I can remember and it's never long before someone recommends it to me or cites it as one of their favorite movies. At long last, I took it upon my self to sit down and see what all the hubbub was about. What I watched turned out to be a thoroughly charming modern fairy tale that takes a unique look at the life of the time-honored role of the quirky misfit protagonist.

Taking place in 1997, our story follows one Amélie Poulain (Audrey Tautou), an introverted young woman living in Paris. Raised in a lonely environment by her eccentric parents, Amélie develops an active imagination, taking delight in life's small pleasures while not fully understanding the more pedestrian concerns of those around her. After uncovering an old box of toys stashed in her apartment by the previous tenant, she takes it upon herself to return the childhood mementos to their rightful owner. What begins as an isolated act of kindness becomes something of a personal crusade, as Amélie sets out to improve the lives of those around her by way of her unique brand of mischief, hoping to find happiness and meaning for herself in the process.

It's a truly charming setup that helps further what may be this movie's strongest suit; its dream-like atmosphere. The whimsical storyline compared with the gorgeous set-design, vibrant color scheme, and clever cinematography give the film a look and feeling all its own (a look that would eventually inspire the overall aesthetic of Pushing Daisies). From the second it begins, it grabs your attention and completely immerses you in a version of reality that is just slightly more fantastical than the one we already inhabit. Everything pops and falls into place just so, giving each environment its own feel and tone; from Amélie's musty, cluttered childhood home to the stuffy, emerald flat of the mean old greengrocer. It's difficult to properly sell a film's aesthetic without this becoming a bona-fide essay of sorts, so I'll simply say that this is a very cozy film; I foresee me revisiting this in the future, should I find myself laid up in bed with a particularly nasty cold.

Aside from the stunning visual design of this movie, I simply have to praise the substance that lies within. The character of Amélie is presented as a true outsider; while she enjoys people from time to time, she rarely feels a strong connection with anyone, save for a select few misfits like herself. Being homeschooled by a high-strung mother and distant father left her something of an introvert; she had no friends growing up and takes little pleasure in romantic relationships. However, despite her apparent happiness at the myriad simplicities of life, she feels as though something is missing. The fact stands that human beings are social creatures; we instinctively crave connection with one another in one form or another. Amélie is, at its heart, a film about a person looking to secure that connection despite her deep-rooted fear of abandonment.

For a majority of the film, Amélie is presented as something of a story-book character; she's quirky and clever in a way befitting that of Puss in Boots or Br'er Rabbit. It's only as the film goes on that we begin to identify with her as a human being. Despite her mischievous little plots and her uncanny ability to have such a powerful-yet-unseen impact on the lives of those around her, she still has hopes and desires and fears like the rest of us. There are a number of times in the film where her quest for happiness is entirely self-sabotaged; what appears at first to be cowardice or foolishness quickly becomes apparent as a very human vulnerability which we all share. It's a film that paints a portrait of a young lady who attempts to build a wall around herself. Even though this wall is built purely out of positivity and kind intentions, it is still merely an attempt to close herself off from the rest of the world for fear of being hurt. It's a story that shows us that anyone can have a monumental impact on a human life; and even so, we all have our own obstacles to scale which stand in the way of our own happiness.

Amélie is an absolute delight; with its engrossing visual design, utterly charming protagonist, and warm-blanket atmosphere, I can't help but recommend this quirky, unique fairy tale of a film. It's the kind of film that validates and invigorates you as you watch it and I honestly enjoyed about every moment of it. Check it out, turn on the subtitles, and settle in for a genuine feel-good experience.

REVIEW: Deadpool

For the longest time, I didn't know whether or not I should bother getting excited for Deadpool. I've been a fan of the character for years, but his representation in the public eye has been less than stellar as of late; while Marvel's regeneratin' degenerate actually has a fair amount of tragic depth to his character, more mainstream interpretations in recent years have shown him as nothing more than a "hilarious" mouthpiece meant to spew internet memes and non-sequiturs at the Hot Topic crowd. With each trailer and advertisement I saw for this movie, the more I was torn. For each joke or moment that made me smile, there was one that would make me cringe. The immediately positive critical response only piqued my interest further; could this actually be the Deadpool movie I'd waited all these years for? I steeled myself for the worst and dove right in, only to find myself somewhat stunned at just how good this movie turned out to be.

When a mouthy mercenary by the name of Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds, finally starring in his dream project) is diagnosed with terminal cancer, he undergoes a dodgy experiment in a desperate attempt at a cure. While the procedure grants him regenerative healing abilities that surpass those of Wolverine, it also leaves him horribly scarred and disfigured. Donning a snappy red suit and mask, Wilson adopts the name "Deadpool" and sets out on a quest for vengeance against the man who ruined his dashing good looks, a mutant scientist who calls himself Ajax (Ed Skrein).

Anyone who's read any quality Deadpool comics knows that, behind all the wacky humor and gratuitous bloodshed, Wade Wilson is a thoroughly tragic character. Everything in his life constantly goes wrong and, no matter how hard he tries to do right by the people around him, something always ends up ruining it in the end. He's an eternal misfit, only finding solace among those as messed-up as he is. Before I actually sat down and watched this film, one of my greatest fears was that it would be nothing but in-your-face comedy, completely ignoring the more serious dramatic beats that round out the character of Deadpool and help make him worth our emotional investment. Thankfully, this is a movie that knows how to get serious when it needs to. Story facets such as Wade's cancer diagnosis and his insecurities over his scarred, Kreuger-esque face are played totally straight. For as goofy as the humor gets, we're still able to actually feel for Deadpool as a character. We sympathize with his plight and honestly want to see things work out for him, considering all the horrible stuff he has to go through. A little bit of pathos goes a long way when it comes to selling a protagonist, especially one as ridiculous as Deadpool.

The humor is also leagues above anything I would have expected. The word "chimichanga" is uttered exactly once and I can count the number of jokes that fell flat on one hand. The comedic pacing matched with Reynolds' rapid-fire delivery really helps to sell the laughs in this film; even if it stumbles, you have no time to dwell on the fact that a joke didn't work because it's already back up and running before you have a chance to blink. This is one of those comedies where all the weakest jokes are in the trailer, and even then, there's nothing offensively unfunny about this movie. At worst, I'd roll my eyes. At best, I was letting out deep belly laughs and gasping for air. This is a film that takes the "comedy shotgun" approach; as long as it has more hits than misses, it works. And considering how hard I was smiling once the opening credits began, I have to say that Deadpool definitely, definitely works.

For such an oddball project (and an origin story, no less), Deadpool hosts a surprisingly large supporting cast. We have T.J. Miller as Weasel (Wade's best friend), Leslie Uggams as Blind Al (Wade's roommate), and Morena Baccarin as Vanessa (Wade's girlfriend). Each plays their part well (especially Miller) and does a fantastic job of playing off of Reynolds' manic energy. Considering this movie takes place in the same universe as Fox's X-Men franchise, some representatives from Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters naturally make an appearance. Specifically, the moody Negasonic Teenage Warhead (Brianna Hildebrand) and her mentor, Colossus (Stefan Kapicic/Greg LaSalle). These two were an absolute delight; Deadpool as a character really shines when he has a straight man to work off of, and the few X-Men in this movie fit the bill to a T. In terms of antagonists, we have Ed Skrein and Gina Carano as Ajax and Angel Dust. While Skrein was wonderfully sadistic, providing a strong, despicable presence for the audience to rally against, Carano felt moreso underused. She doesn't really do all that much aside from serving as Ajax's muscle; while her performance wasn't bad, I felt that her role was somewhat lacking.

Of course, the star of the show here is Deadpool himself, Ryan Reynolds. A huge fan of the source material, it's no secret that this is a movie Reynolds has been wanting to make for a very long time, and it shows in his performance. He's having the time of his life, effortlessly selling the jokes and lunacy that come with the characters. While the comedy and action are obviously at the forefront of his performance, I feel I also have to commend him for the way he handled the more legitimately dramatic moments in the story. He's able to play Wade as both bombastic and insecure, violent and tragic. This is an aspect of the film that I consider essential to its overall quality, so it's a good thing that he pulls it off as strongly as he does.

I also want to call attention to the unorthodox story structure for the first half of the movie. Rather than telling us Deadpool's origin in chronological order, the first two acts are blended together; it opens on an action sequence that feels like the beginning of the second act, flashing back at various intervals to give us more and more pieces of Wade's past until everything is caught up. While it's a little out of the ordinary, I feel as though it works to the story's benefit. It establishes the protagonist and primary goal right out of the gate with a high-energy fight scene, creating a stronger sense of contrast between what Wade's life was like before and after his diagnosis and transformation. It's a risky choice on the part of the filmmakers, but one that I feel pays off in the long run.

Despite my initial worries, Deadpool took me completely by surprise with just how much I enjoyed it. While it's at times crude, ridiculous, and immature, I feel as though it managed to be everything it needed to be to succeed. Underneath all the sex and viscera lies a surprising amount of heart; this is an adaptation clearly made by people with a strong reverence for the source material. Since the film's sense of humor is so deeply ingrained in everything that's going on onscreen, those who aren't sold by Deadpool's brand of vulgar silliness will find very little to enjoy here. That said, while not every joke stuck the landing, I still found myself laughing hard enough and often enough to give it a strong recommendation. Whether you're a longtime fan of the comics or just a casual moviegoer baffled at the trainwreck that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine, know that this is the Deadpool adaptation you've been waiting for. And it's a load of fun to boot.

REVIEW: Frank

I honestly didn't know what to expect when I decided to watch Frank. I'd seen it around Netflix for a while now and the description was absurd enough to pique my interest. A comedy about a musician who wears a big, papier-mâché mask all the time. Sure, why not? Little did I know that there was a lot more to this indie flick than just its oddball premise.

Frank tells the story of Jon Burroughs (Domhnall Gleeson), an aspiring musician working day to day, struggling to find inspiration. By a stroke of fate, he finds himself as the new keyboard player for Soronprfbs, an experimental rock band led by the enigmatic Frank (Michael Fassbender), a man who never removes his giant, papier-mâché head. Together, this quite literal band of misfits travel to a cabin in Ireland to record their new album, all while Jon attempts to find his creative voice by way of following his mysterious new mentor.

The first thing that bears mentioning here is the film's sense of humor; those who don't appreciate comedy on the drier side will find little worth laughing about in the escapades of Frank and company. The majority of the comedy here is strictly situational; the whole thing feels at least partially inspired (at least tone-wise) by the films of the Cohen Brothers (one scene in particular seems like a loving homage to the infamous Folger's can eulogy from The Big Lebowski). It's dry, witty, clever, and a little off-the-wall, but I don't know if I'd define Frank as conventionally "funny". However, to focus exclusively on the comedic elements of this film would mean ignoring the dramatic elements, and that is something I simply cannot abide.

One of the driving questions behind this movie is "why does Frank wear the mask?" The more Jon comes to learn about who Frank is, the more he infers that there must have been something special, something haunting, that made Frank into the musical genius that he is. Jon comes from a perfectly average neighborhood. He holds down a boring job and lives with his parents. In his mind, he is wholly unremarkable, and that is the reason that musical inspiration eludes him. Without giving anything away, Frank is a movie which explores the ins and outs of the various masks that we all wear in our day to day lives.

The cast is as small as one would expect from an indie film such as this, the clear standouts being the three actors who receive the most focus; Domhnall Gleeson, Michael Fassbender, and Maggie Gyllenhaal. Gyllenhaal plays Clara, the band's temperamental theremin player, with venomous energy. Only once the film is over do we start to understand what makes her such an aggressively mean person, in particular to Jon. The energy she shares with Gleeson is impressive to say the least. Domhnall Gleeson is a well-rounded protagonist for the audience to latch onto; he's the outsider, the everyman, tailor-made to escort the audience through the madness of the band's ups and downs. However, Michael Fassbender's turn as Frank completely steals the show. The man is unrecognizable throughout the majority of the film, completely disappearing into the character. He always has an air of approachable mystique about him; you never quite know what's going around inside that big, fake head of his, but it's safe to assume it's something worth hearing. Make no mistake, everyone else gives a strong performance and helps to sell the overall theme of this movie, but no one does so better than Fassbender.

Frank is a wholly unique little picture. It honestly took me by surprise at just how thought-provoking it all managed to be. It's a relatable theme relayed by well-rounded characters, all set to a mysteriously endearing soundtrack. Really, "mysteriously endearing" sums up the entire movie. Frank is a reservedly good time that will make you smile and think at the same time and, though its charms may be lost on some, I simply can't not recommend it. Definitely check it out.

REVIEW: Turbo Kid

The second the painfully 80's opening logos hit the screen, I was immediately terrified that I was about to experience another Kung Fury. Just like Kung Fury, Turbo Kid is an independent action/comedy film released in 2015 that finds itself firmly entrenched within the culture of the 80's and 90's. However, while Kung Fury was nothing more than a collection of neon and non-sequiturs, Turbo Kid actually remembers that it has to be a movie. Unlike Kung Fury, Turbo Kid has an actual plot and characters. That's not to say that this is the strongest plot or that these are the strongest characters I've ever seen, but I digress.

Taking place in the post-apocalyptic year of 1997, the story follows The Kid (Munro Chambers), a boy-with-no-name who lives a life of solitude in the arid wasteland the world has become. After crossing paths with an eccentric girl named Apple (Laurence Leboeuf) and finding a discarded superhero suit, The Kid decides to rise up against the tyrannical leader of the Wasteland, Zeus (Michael Ironside). To get my biggest complaint with the film out of the way up front, the plot isn't great. There's a number of holes and inconsistencies which begin to pile up around the third act (most of them involving robots, who seem to operate on whatever set of rules best serves to move the story along). However, while the proverbial boat has its fair share of holes, it still stays more or less afloat until the credits roll. There's a beginning, middle, and end, character motivations are clear, and there's never really any confusion or nonsense to clog things up. It's not an excellent plot, but it functions just fine, which is more than I can usually say for indie films that are essentially based off of little more than a fun idea and a heap of nostalgia for the years before the new millennium.

While it may seem a tad shallow of me to say this, Turbo Kid is definitely a film in which the plot takes a backseat to the fun. The world in which this all takes place is fleshed out to an impressive degree; any references to the 80's (such as appearances from pink lawn flamingos and a Viewmaster) make perfect sense, considering that the junk of the 80's would be the trash and salvage of the post-apocalyptic 90's. It's essentially Mad Max, but with bikes instead of cars. In addition to being far cheaper to film, bicycles don't require any gasoline to run. The result is a unique blend of The Road Warrior and Rad, managing to pay tribute to an era of film and pop-culture while still giving the movie a look and identity of its own.

Speaking of looks, I would be remiss if I didn't bring up the phenomenally silly gore effects. There is hardly any garish CGI blood to be found here; this movie brutally dismembers mannequins and sprays corn syrup with all the eagerness and enthusiasm of a young Sam Raimi or Peter Jackson. I make no exaggeration when I say that this movie contains some of my favorite instances of cartoonish bloodshed and dismemberment ever committed to film. It would almost be hard to watch if it wasn't so absurd; as goofy as it is, this is probably not the film to watch if you've got an especially weak stomach.

The main cast all does fine work; Chambers is awkward and endearing as The Kid and, even though I found Leboeuf's Apple to be supremely annoying when she first appeared, I must admit that she gradually won me over somewhat. Michael Ironside couldn't be cornier in his role as the main antagonist, seemingly channeling the main villain from the Lethal Weapon sequels on It's Always Sunny. Aaron Jeffery also appears as Frederick the Arm Wrestler, without a doubt the coolest character in the movie. I almost wouldn't have minded him being the main protagonist, as he doesn't appear nearly as often as I would have liked. While the performances aren't particularly mind-blowing, the characters are endearing and memorable and help add something to this film aside from a cool setting and spectacular gore.

While it's not exactly loaded with substance, I still found Turbo Kid to be a good deal of fun. It's like a cinematic slice of cake; it's not exactly a "smart" choice, with little to offer in the way of substance. That said, it tastes good and it'll probably make you smile at least a little bit. While I do sincerely wish that the story was tighter, I in no way feel as though I've wasted my time giving Turbo Kid a watch. If you're looking for something different with buckets of bombastic gore, you could certainly do a lot worse than Turbo Kid.